What language does your heart speak?

Today, I want to talk about something that I'm passionate about: love. Gary Chapman's book "The 5 Love Languages" has been a valuable guide in my personal journey, providing me with insight into how I give and receive love. If you have already explored this topic, I'll address some key questions like: Have you ever wondered where they come from? Or what they mean? What is your way of expressing them?

Although there are five languages, the crucial aspect is that they are rooted in our individual perception, not in a universal definition of love. Each person perceives love based on their childhood experiences, highlighting the diversity of expressions of love.

Unfortunately, many of us perceive love through negative experiences such as physical punishment, silent treatment or shouting, as that is what is familiar, what was presented to us as love. Psychology teaches us that in childhood, we lack the rational mind that now informs us that love does not involve violence. The unconscious, that irrational mind, sometimes justifies receiving love in the same way we experienced it, even though we know it is not right.

It is essential to understand that the perception we had during our development is subjective and does not necessarily reflect reality. I invite you to explore how our childhood experiences led us to develop different attachment styles and adopt certain behaviors that we believed to be either correct or incorrect. Often, we assume that our past interactions represent the entirety of reality. However, it is crucial to recognize that this development can change in adulthood if we are aware of it.

TRY THID OUT 

Trauma is not limited to impactful events like deaths or abuses. It can manifest in seemingly everyday situations. For example, the absence of a father who leaves for work early without saying goodbye to his child. For the child, lacking a developed rational mind (from 1 to 7 years old), everything is interpreted from an egocentric perspective. Thus, the perception that their father left because he doesn't love them or doesn't pay attention because they are insufficient becomes a distorted reality.

How are these traumas reflected in the language of love in adulthood?

An easy example is if we needed words of words of affirmation, we seek recognition from our partner through phrases such as: "You did amazing at work, I'm proud of you, I love you, I'm here for you, thank you, I'm sorry”, recreating what we lacked. Sometimes, we repeat patterns without realizing it. We may praise our partner, thinking it's what they need, but if their love language is physical touch, like the hugs they missed as children, our actions may lose their effectiveness. Essentially, we live between two poles, two sides of the same coin, repeating or lacking what we experienced in our childhood.

PLANS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NO PLANS 

Before saying goodbye, let's remember that love doesn't wait. Start with yourself!

Anama Gómez 🎀